Renewed Strength

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I want to thank all my friends and family who have been faithful to pray for us. Like I mentioned in my last blog, things have been really hard lately. At church on Sunday, Matt preached about letting go. Giving it to God & letting him take it all. Wow. Thanks for preparing that JUST FOR ME. lol. :) In all seriousness, I knew that's what I needed to do, but was just struggling to do it. I sat there and cried through half the service.

I had such a hard time even getting there on Sunday. We did a meal with a few other families after church and I was supposed to bring beans, rice and dessert. I got the beans made Saturday night, but I was so tired I put the brownies and rice off until Sunday morning. I was sitting on the bed crying because I didn't have the energy to get dressed after I managed to get the food made. I knew Mark would hate going and staying to eat without me. I knew I would feel better if I did go. I just had to make myself put my clothes and makeup on to get there. I begged and pleaded with God to just give me the energy. He did. It wasn't a big huge surge like *I* wanted, but it was enough. It was sufficient. I got ready. I went and wow... I was blessed.

When I left church on Sunday, I didn't know HOW God was going to do it, but I knew He WAS going to do it. He would take care of us financially. It wasn't mine to worry about. He would handle if for me.

I went to bible study that afternoon and during prayer request time, I asked for prayer for my thyroid. This was kind of hard for me, because I'm VERY new to this group. This was just my 2nd time to go. Now, all of you who know me know that I have NO problem talking. lol. I do however, have a hard time admitting that I need help. Even if it's something I can't do much about, like my thyroid. This group of ladies were amazing. When it was time to pray, Marilyn, our pastor's wife just asked the ladies to come and lay a hand on me while she prayed. Feeling the love of those ladies as they put their hands on my back and shoulders and arms while she prayed over me was so wonderful. I haven't felt that much love in a long time.

When I got home, I had more energy than I had all day. Really in DAYS. I worked on Walker's room and made a big dent in it! I moved 8 storage tubs and boxes out for Mark to put in the garage for me. It made a HUGE difference in his room and my spirit!

I went Monday and got a couple of vacuum storage bags for the 10 blankets and quilts I needed to store that were in his crib AND we were blessed with a friend saying she doesn't need her crib mattress and she's giving us hers! WOW! Also on Monday, God showed up BIG TIME in our mail box. It's amazing the way He's showing us He's there. A friend sent me cash. In a card, in with some other things she mailed me, there was tucked a card, and some cash. A note saying she was praying. Wow. I cried. :) Then, my phone rebate came too! The two together were the exact amount of money Mark had to turn down because he wasn't able to preach a funeral Monday. I called and told him I knew why he couldn't preach that funeral, God had made up for it! He also had to turn down a funeral for Tuesday because of his work schedule. I told him I didn't know what God would do for Tuesday, but He had Monday taken care of. :)

Tuesday we were supposed to meet our tax lady in Norman and sign our paperwork at lunch time. She sent me a text late morning and had been called to a meeting and couldn't meet us. I was really bummed, but she assured me that it wouldn't affect our deposit date of our refund for next week, so I was ok. She called me that evening, and said she could meet us so we ran down to Norman. She prefaced our conversation with the fact she had made an error when doing our return, but it was good news. Now, I don't know about you, but here's my experience with bank errors. They are NEVER in my favor! If they are, it's when playing Monopoly and it's only $10.00. This bank error was WAY better than that. A $870.00 error in our favor. I seriously almost fell out of my chair right there in the Taco Bell. Ha ha ha! Our refund was DOUBLE what I had gotten on Turbo Tax. I think God WAY more than took care of what Mark missed out on being able to preach those two funerals. :)

It doesn't change our long term problem financially, but it does help. A lot. We're going to be able to take care of a lot of things that desperately have needed to be done, we just couldn't. One of the things I'm most excited about is getting my wedding ring repaired. One of my prongs has worn down and I haven't been able to wear it for fear of loosing the stone. I miss it!

Letting go can hurt sometimes. It certainly wasn't easy, but God opened up the flood gates for us. There is no way to describe this other than a total God thing. I wasn't even going to try to find someone to do them for us, because I didn't think we could afford it. God provided and she was only $5.00 more than the crazy lady we used last year that did a terrible job! lol!

Today, we're soaring on eagle's wings. We're running and not growing weary, and we're able to walk and not faint, because my God is good. He is faithful and He provides.

Bloggy Blah's

I haven't felt very bloggy lately. What I do feel, is completely overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. We have a lot going on right now. Some of which I'm not exactly free to share on the world wide web, because you never know who's reading it. I'm not saying that to be annoying, but hopefully soon we'll be able to be more specific.

I'll start with what weighs heaviest on my mind. Things are extremely tight financially. Wait. That's the understatement of the year. We are hundreds of dollars short each payday. If you know us well, you know we don't live an extravagant lifestyle. We live in a very small house, drive a paid for car, don't have cable, etc. etc. etc.

God has proven himself faithful time and time again. He's sent food through several different people. He's sent gifts of money to us. He's provided extra funerals for Mark to preach and photography for me. He's even blessed us with extra gifts of fun things like amazing tickets to the hockey game (one of our favorite things ever) and tickets to the circus! Why then, do I find it so hard to trust Him? I've never gone without a meal. I still live in a warm house, and for today, we have electricity, water and heat. I Timothy 6:8 says "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." Why then, do I doubt? Why do I struggle so? I hate struggling with this flesh! Why is it that sometimes when you know the right thing to do, it's so hard to do it? I need to trust Him. I need to take that leap of faith and say, God, catch me as I fall into your arms. I trust you. You are my provider. My sustainer. You've said in your Word that you know what I need before I even ask! I need to immerse myself in His Word to remove my doubts and my fears and the biggest stumbling block of all...myself.

This life isn't about me. It's not about my will. It's about bringing glory to Him. There are people with so much less. Yet, I sit in my house with what I do have and struggle to be content. We watched "The Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith in it a few weeks ago. We both sat on the couch and cried through most of it. Perhaps because it hit too close to home.

If you haven't seen it, it's a good movie. This one was on tv, so some of the language was filtered. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but even though it's depressing, it's worth watching all the way through.

I'm feeling overwhelmed physically too. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I'm really struggling with my thyroid this pregnancy. I have little to no energy on a daily basis. (I did get some supplements at the health Food Store last night I'm hoping will help) Walker's room is still a total disaster. It's still the "junk room." There's no paint on the walls, no mattress on the bed, no bedding picked out, junk everywhere. It's almost funny, but I think I'm a little too hormonal to laugh. His diaper bag is packed and he has clothes in the dresser though. :) When we get our tax refund back we'll be able to remedy the paint situation, so I'm hoping that will spur me on and give me some energy to complete his room.

My house often looks like a war zone. I cry when I go into the kitchen. Yep. I said it. lol. I feel so overwhelmed with needing to clean it, not having the energy to, and then just not caring, I often turn around and walk right back out. I'll have a good week and get the whole house put back together, only for it to look like a battle zone again within days. Mark is the most amazing help to me. He's always done ALL our laundry. Even when I stayed home with Coleman. He's WAY more anal than I am and he does a better job at it. I'm happy to let him. Occasionally I feel guilty over it, but the feeling generally passes quickly. :) He helps in so many ways with me, with Coleman and the house, but he can't do it all. I actually made him delete a really cute picture of Coleman he posted tonight on FaceBook because the house was a disaster in the background and I didn't want everyone to see it and here I am blogging about it. lol. :) Must be the crazy pregnant hormones talking. lol.

All of this being said, I know I'm not the only person in the world to ever go through this. Mark has often said, "God never wastes a hurt." That's so true. I've gone through so many things and that saying still rings true. This post isn't for anyone to feel sorry for me. I guess I just want people to know the real me. The real us. The Thompson's. We lay in bed at night and pray, "Hey God, it's us. The Thompson's. Yeah, we're really tired again." Ha ha ha! Can't tell you how many times we've started our prayer time out like that (I know Mark is laughing reading this right now!)

I long to be the person who's house is always "company ready," always have the perfect thing to wear and always look cute wherever I go with my hair done and makeup on. I'm not sure that will ever happen, but that's ok. While we wait for God, and we wait for Walker, I'm clinging to these verses. I hope they encourage you if you're going through a rough spot right now too.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 16:8 Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice.

John 14:1  "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

PHI 4:11  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to  be content whatever the circumstances.  (God, teach this to me!!!)

Psalm 42:5  Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Proverbs 24:10  If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!

Matthew 8:26  He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he  got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.  
14:31  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of  little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"Phil 4:12  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,  whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Hebrews 13:5  Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with  what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I  forsake you."

Waiting on Japan?

The tragedy is unspeakable. It's unthinkable. And yet, it seems so far away...that is, until they start talking about radioactive fallout HERE. In AMERICA. Suddenly, the 8,775 miles from Tokyo to Oklahoma city seems, well, closer. This post is in no way intended to solely focus on ME or US and not THEM, but the truth is, it's something worth thinking about. I think it reminds me of the September 11th attacks. It seemed SO close to home and so scary, yet so far away. Not that we here in Oklahoma are removed from tragedy. I remember well April 19th, 1995. It was a long time ago and with time, you tend to start loosing details in your mind. It was still a powerful, life changing event here. The Murrah bombing event in no way compares with the loss of life in Japan, but honestly, it's the closest thing I've ever experienced. Some people may laugh or scoff at the comparison, but it's the closest thing I've got.

When we start talking about radiation, honestly, it sort of freaks me out. I'm not saying I'm not trusting God. I also have enough sense to come in out of the rain and go to the cellar when a tornado is headed for my house. Is the threat real here in the United States? Well, everyone has their opinion on that. The truth is, we have 104 nuclear power plants here in the U.S. and four of those are in California. Of course we all know that it's "just a matter of time" until half the state falls into the Pacific according to lots of "experts." So, in reality, there could be a nuclear event much closer to home than Japan.

Most of you know that I've struggled with serious thyroid issues for nearly four years now. Everyone says "Oh thyroid! That's easy. All you have to do is take a pill!" Well, how nice for them. That's not been the case for me. The journey of hypothyroidism has been long and hard. Not just for me, but for my family as well. Coleman and Walker are already at a higher risk of having thyroid problems since I do. The thought of one more thing "pushing them over the edge" makes me want to cry. My husband has also sacrificed a LOT to help take care of me and Coleman and pick up the slack when I'm just too tired. The thought of them having to live in a perpetual thyroid hell makes me sick to think about it.

Some days are really not that bad. I have enough energy to get up, take care of Coleman and even take care of some things around the house. Then there are the majority of days that it's a struggle to get out of bed, to feed my son, or myself or to pick him up to change his diaper. I may make dinner, but have to sit down 4 or five times to rest in order to get it done. I sit on the couch the majority of the day, just trying to conserve energy to take care of Coleman. We watch movies, read lots of books and of course, he loves to watch me play Angry Birds. Ha ha ha! The point of me saying this isn't for anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me, but this certainly isn't the life I want for me, much less my children! I can usually gather enough energy to do the things I really HAVE to do and even fun things I WANT to do, but I often pay for it the next day by being extra exhausted.

I used to be a "go getter." Up early, work out, cleaning the house from top to bottom kind of person. I used to have a precious thing called energy. It's gone now. Is it gone forever? I pray that's not the case, but after four years of struggling and still barely getting by most days, it leaves me feeling hopeless a lot of the time. I'm much better now than I was when I was diagnosed. I HAVE come a long way from not being able to walk across the room or work for five weeks. I know God can choose to heal me from this. I also know that may not be His will for my life. Mark has said so many times, "God never wastes a hurt." That has rang true many times in my life. I've had some terrible hurt, but through that experience, I've been able to help someone else through theirs.

While we sit and think about the incredible loss of life in Japan, how their entire lives have been destroyed, uprooted, and tossed about, and their lives seem to have come to a screeching halt, life does still go on. Tonight my good friend Christy gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She was blessed to have a home water birth. Sigh... :) Few things on this earth are as precious as new life. It makes me think of the verses in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 that say:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

I pray that this entire thing stays under control and things don't get as bad as they predict they could. Just in case, we're prepared and ever lifting the people of Japan up in our prayers.

My friend Amber over at the eletelephant came up with a super cute link for donations to Japan,.

Out of the mouth of babes...

Coleman has proven to be quite entertaining the last few months. Especially the last three weeks or so. His vocabulary has really exploded and he often repeats everything we say. Yikes...

A few days ago, he was laying in bed with us after he woke up and Mark brought him into our room. We asked him if he wanted to tell his bubba (his name for Walker) good morning. He proceeded to lift my shirt and speak directly into my belly button. He poked and prodded me with his finger and then said "See Walk Ur. See him growing?" Ha ha ha! So cute! I told him we still have a few months to go before we can see him.

We took him to a Barons hockey game last weekend and he was totally enamored. He loved it. (Thanks dad for the tickets! Our seats were AWESOME!) During all the pre-game activities, he shrieked and clapped enthusiastically when everyone else did. He had us totally in stitches. Since the game he's become, let's say... a little preoccupied with hockey. Maybe obsessed is a better word. Yesterday he insisted on "HOCKEY GAME!" and and watched 15 minutes of game highlights from an old USA vs Canada game on YouTube.

He ran an errand with Mark last night. The lady helping them asked him his name to which he responded "Colemean." (Yes, that's really the way he says it!) Mark said, "are you going to have a baby brother? What's his name?" To which Coleman responded, "Hockey." lol. Mark said, "NO! What's your BROTHER'S name?" Coleman..."Hockey?" Sigh. Mark informed the lady that we would NOT be naming our baby Hockey. Bummer for Coleman, but I think Walker will thank us in the long run. :)

Yesterday Coleman walked all over the house playing with his baby that Nana (Aunt Caren, my sister) got him for Christmas. He would say "Night night. Go seepy. See you in the morning. Get covers!" Also, every time I would ask him what he wanted to eat he would scream "CANDY! COOOOKIES" Nice... Here he is enjoying one of the cookies I made this week, still sleepy from his nap.

He's also gotten very adept at ordering Riley around. Riley has sadly discovered he's a dog since Coleman arrived at our house. His life just isn't the same. He spends his days chasing cats in the yard, getting in trouble for being on the furniture and trying to steal food from Coleman, or if he's lucky, Coleman is in the mood to share and willingly feeds him from his highchair. :/

Riley bounded inside yesterday and went straight for Coleman looking for food. Coleman looked at him and said "Go to bed. Now!" HA HA HA! Now I wonder where he's heard that?

Today he was telling him to shut up while he was barking. Hmmm...guess I should come up with something nicer to get the dog to be quiet. Coleman has also learned we use the word "hup" to get Riley to jump on the bed and he was telling him "hup" trying to get him on the bed with him. Oh, and last but not least, when I tell Coleman to sit down, he in turn replies "Good boy" when he sits. It's hysterical. I'm so glad I've got Coleman to entertain me while we wait!

Waiting...

Today, I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness to my God that Walker seems healthy. We have two friends that have had recent diagnoses that their babies aren't well. One lost their fight today, just shy of 22 weeks. I can't imagine the pain of laboring to deliver a baby that's already gone to heaven. I can't imagine that crushing pain of loss. Labor is so mentally and physically challenging and to have no hope of the reward of your baby in the end....

Another friend of ours has learned that their baby has a birth defect that will require immediate surgery as soon as they are born. So much hurt and unanswered questions. I'm grateful both of them are trusting in God for hope and comfort, but it still hurts.

Every single kick, jab and poke Walker gives me, I rejoice. Rejoice that he's healthy and strong, rejoice that he's alive, rejoice that we'll meet him and hold him in just a few short months.

Anyone who's been pregnant has to admit that it's not always fun or easy. Being pregnant is hard work. There's a reason they equate it to climbing Mt. Everest! Your hips hurt (this time my hips hurt much earlier and much worse than they ever did with Coleman), you get heart burn, you get tired, and then there are those crazy insane hormones driving you (and your husband!) cRaZy. But, it's all worth it, because you know that prize you're getting in the end.

This time it's been so much harder waiting for Walker's birth day to arrive, because I KNOW how amazing it is to have a baby. Coleman's birth was really rough and traumatic. There's still a lot of hurt and fear I have to work through while I'm waiting on Walker, but he's worth the wait.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit